Silhouette of pregnant woman at home


“A birth mother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart.”
-Skye Hardwick

When a birth mother selects a forever family for her child, many things need to be considered. While all adoptions vary and differ, most birth mothers only want the best possible life for their child. Read below to better understand some things that birth mothers need to consider before choosing a family to place their unborn baby.

1. Adoptive Family’s Reason for Adopting

The family’s reason for adopting is a huge deciding factor for a birth mother choosing adoptive parents. A birth mother will want to see if the potential adoptive parents have any previous children, adopted or biological. Some may want their child going to an infertile couple, while another may want a same-sex couple who cannot reproduce on their own. Birth mothers want to see a potential adoptive parent’s motivation for adopting before they can trust them to parent their child.

2. Open Vs. Closed Adoption

Knowing what kind of adoption a birth mother wants is huge in the decision-making process. While there are many different ways that open adoptions can proceed, there are deciding factors to consider. Some open adoptions may have a yearly visit with the birth mother, while adoptions may only send pictures of the child yearly to the birth mother. If the birth mother wants no contact with the child once the adoption is closed, then she may choose a private adoption.An adoption attorney or agency should discuss these options.

3. Adoptive Family Interests

Does the adoptive family go camping? Do the have pets? What do they do in their spare time? These are all things that a birth mother will look at and consider when viewing family profiles. A birth mother may have a childhood memory of riding horses, and seeing an adoptive family riding horses may make her feel more connected to that family. A birth mother wants to see the adoptive family’s personality shining through their profile so she may connect and relate to them without even meeting or talking.

4. Adoptive Family Intimate Relationships

The birth mother will consider whether the potential parents of her child are married, single, or if they are in a same-sex relationship. The mother will also consider if the potential parents have previous adopted or biological children. They may also inquire about friendships and family relationships the adoptive parents may have. The birth mother considers lengths of these relationships as well.

5. Financial Stability

Private adoptions require an individual income from adoptive families, but the birth mother may want to ensure that her child will be well cared for once placed with a family.

6. Profile Photos

When creating an adoptive family profile, the potential parents need to be very selective in what kind of photos they choose. Most birth mothers would rather select a family with candid photos that show personality, rather than staged photos.

7. Religious Affiliation 

If a birth mother is Christian, she may want her child to go to a family that practices a Christian religion. Some birth mothers may want a family that doesn’t stress their religion as much as others.

8. Race

A black birth mother placing a half caucasian and black baby may want her child to go to black parents. The same applies to other human races. While this may not always be as important of a factor, it is still something she may inquire.

9. ‘Dear Birthmother’ Card

Addressing the birth mother directly is a huge bonus to a profile. The ‘Dear Birthmother’ letter may allow the birth mother to connect with the adoptive family on a personal level without even meeting in person. Seeing a family be personable and writing directly to her can be a very intimate and emotional experience.

10. Location

The location is of particular importance if a birth mom chooses an open adoption. She may want to be close to the adoptive family to visit the child. On the other hand, a birth mother may want to be in a completely different location as she does not want to be near the child.

Overall, this is an incredibly tough decision for the birth mother. She is choosing a forever home for her child in the hopes that they will provide a better life for him or her. While scary, it can also be incredibly rewarding and exciting for the birth mother to select a family.

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