CONTACTING THE FATHER
Try to locate your child’s birth father: It’s best when everyone is clear on who the birth father is and he is able to give his consent to the adoption.
If the identity or the location of the father isn’t clear, an adoption professional may check a state’s putative (presumed) father registry or even publish notices for him to see.
Be safe: Many states don’t require a birth mother to inform the father or possible father about her pregnancy if she has reason to fear for her safety.
An adoption coordinator can help you find out what the options are in your state.
Adopt Connect can also provide immediate assistance with living expenses, transportation, housing, and more.
Don’t lie about being pregnant: Even if your state doesn’t require you to tell the father when you are pregnant, the law may still forbid you from lying or misleading him, especially if he asks you directly.
This applies even through online/offline contact and social media; email, text messages, facebook, twitter, etc.
If the father does ask you questions about being pregnant and you are afraid to answer, you can have an adoption coordinator or a lawyer answer for you.
If possible, inform the father: You don’t want the father to be able to say he never knew his child was being adopted.
If it’s safe to do so, tell him that you are pregnant and keep him updated about the process, even if he isn’t in favor of it.
This can be the hardest step for a pregnant mother, but working with an adoption professional can help a lot.
Depending on circumstances, you might have a lawyer speak with him for you or send him a letter through certified mail.